You might be getting into the year now and the initial rush might have died down but we’re still stretched and, possibly, stressed. There are new teachers, new students, our antenna is up and probably on full alert. How do we help or hinder the work going on around us?
As managers we’re often unsure how much to get involved and how much to stand back. There might be times when we find ourselves caught not knowing what to do. We need to strike a balance between micromanaging and being too hands off. We know that different people need different things at different time from us as managers but what should we do, when and how?
This article from the Harvard Business Review lays it out in more depth,
https://hbr.org/2024/08/are-you-a-micromanager-or-too-hands-off?
Of course, we want to make sure everyone is ok, and so we often ask people, it’s perfectly natural and normal, right? Yes, and no. How does the person who is being asked feel? They might feel our genuine interest and be pleased we’ve asked. Or they might not. Sometimes it’s the only question we ask as we cross paths in the corridor or in the staffroom.
What's wrong with asking if everything is OK?
Often we ask people if we're picking up a vibe that something is not OK. People can feel defensive if we over-ask and over-check in; they might be thinking, Why do you keep asking? What's wrong? Something must be wrong. Thinking can quickly become self-critical and maybe even paranoid, confidence can suffer and teachers can easily get into a negative cycle.
What can I say instead?
Instead of getting into negative self-talk, we want teachers and the other people we work with to be full of confidence, putting their best foot forward. How can we show people we're here, gently check in and be supportive without potentially and unintentionally undermining their confidence? We could maybe ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?” or “Is there anything you need from me?” Or maybe even better is “Hi, just to let you know, I'm here if you need anything.”
Creating confidence through detached engagement
There is a rather beautiful paradox in the the idea of detached engagement but regular practice can make a huge difference to stress and anxiety in you and in those around you, It’s based on the idea that while we are, of course, engaged and involved, we are also detached and separate. We’re engaged; it’s important, we care. We’re detached; it’s not all important. As language school leaders we can model this behaviour by getting involved and by not making a mountain out of a molehill. The effect of this on our colleagues is to spread confidence.
This article from Psychology Today discusses the ideas more deeply arguing that detached engagement is “crucial for people’s success and survival in astressfuland challenging world”.
There are a number of ways to put this into practice, none of them are quick fixes, it’s a work in progress for us all. Here are a few…
1. Note it down, put it in an email.
When we talk to people, do they feel listened to, do they feel like we’re dedicating time to them? As managers we have so many things running round our heads and it can be hard to focus. When we talk to people, get out your diary or your phone (whatever you make important notes in), and note down what they’re saying. Tell people that’s what you’re doing. It signals the importance of what they’re saying, it means you’ve captured it and can act on it at some point if necessary. Alternatively we can have the conversation and then ask them to write it in an email to you to register it. This also means that you’re engaged and acting appropriately and not getting overly-tied up in it.
2. Take a breath, or three.
Often we might rush into an answer, we want to be efficient and we want to solve people’s problems. Taking a few breaths before answering a question can give us the space we need to work on that detached engagement. We are giving the subject the space and respect it deserves without making a huge meal out of it.
3. Ask, don’t tell.
It’s a favourite classroom mantra for teachers and it can also be a mantra for language school leaders. If we position ourselves as question askers, we can move towards co-constructed solutions and see things from multiple perspectives. If we are too close to something, if it becomes too important, we might struggle to see the bigger picture. Detached engagement helps us see the bigger picture and remain connected with the issue at hand.
4. Watch the energy flows.
If we can visualise energy moving between us and the person we’re talking to, what might it look like? Like a back and forth of conflicting arrows? Some arrows might be bigger, some smaller depending on strength of feeling or perhaps status. Often energy flows back and forth in a conversation, it can be great and inspiring, it can also lead to difficulties and confrontation. If we can visualise the energy flowing around us in a figure of 8, we are attached at the intersection of the figure 8 and separated in our own spaces in the circles of the 8.
For more on the practice of detachment, this article gives us a deeper look.https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/spirituality/practice-detachment/
Constantly asking people how they are can spread insecurity, detached engagement can inspire confidence. It takes some practice but with time it will have it’s magical effect of helping to contribute to a confident, comfortable, collaborative working environment.
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